When I felt the call to learn more about my relationship to energy work, the person who could help me appeared. But I didn’t know just how much the lines of space and time would blur.
I decided to stay during fall in the southern California desert because I was attracted by the emptiness and isolation—it felt like the place to process and integrate a year full of learnings. It was also the perfect controlled environment for a self experiment. I intended to explore my relationship to energy work, and I knew that meant going to the fundamental bits—the quantum-level—on myself. The process was incredibly meaningful because I the learnings would expand upon my body of self knowledge, and I could give that to others.
I drew up a work-personal time schedule so that I could be on when I needed to be on (to work, socialize, life) and I allowed myself to be fully present when I was off (to witness, process, integrate). I had to strictly control my schedule to allow for the full experience of being off. I was going to have energy healing and spiritual guidance from Atasiea, a reiki master and spiritual guidance counselor whom I had met in Guatemala during an ecstatic dance retreat in January. He had facilitated a shamanic dance session there that helped me go deep into my own body and high into my mind to let go of toxic thought patterns that were controlling me. I felt the power of energy work through that exchange with him. And sometimes, all it takes is one powerful exchange with one person to really cause things to shift.
Hold that thought.
I was in the library one afternoon in November, months after Guatemala and near the end of my sessions with Atasiea, when I was reading over an essay that I have been working on for almost (literally) 3 years. The essay had been stuck in a can’t-quite-finish-it pattern. The writing process for the piece usually entailed my staring at the essay’s pages on my laptop screen and my mind going blank. But I had some kind of a breakthrough while I was in the desert. I felt a shift in my intellectual body. I was able to finish the essay.
As I sat in the library, surrounded by stuffy bookshelves and nondescript taupe-painted concrete and bulletin boards offering community announcements, it was quiet. A couple of people reading newspapers and a woman shelving returns were the sum of action around me. I wanted to connect with the words in the essay. I set the intention—the fundamental of establishing an energetic connection. I did a subtle plug-in (feet on the ground, focus on my breathing), and I felt my visual perception shift into Tron-mode—my field of vision starts to look like the 1980s Tron movie. The boring bookshelves turned into cases full of neon beams of light, and the books on them became crystals. I felt a bit like I was in The Library of Babel (by Borges, the Argentinian writer’s concept of a hexagonal, bee-hive shaped infinity library). The idea of the interconnectedness of all of the ideas, writers, and me to them was so immediately apparent and (good kind of) overwhelming. It was a connection that had been previously blocked. And I felt like I was a part of this vast network that, through the act of writing, pull ether into material and with that, create our world because information is our world. I felt a deep sense of satisfaction, too, because the ability to finish the essay aligned with what I feel I am uniquely created to do: be a bridge between worlds by using words. Help people expand their sense of selves and worldviews using language, story telling, and information. Turn worlds inside out for all to see.
Hold that thought.
My desert experiment with Atasiea and his healing sessions happened over the phone. They usually entailed me lying down on my bed, surrounded by my crystals and journal, speaker phone on. I was physically in the desert; he in LA, his base. But through our conscious co-establishing of a connection on a quantum level, the time and space between us became irrelevant. We started each session with a grounding, connecting our being to the skies and the Earth, invocations and prayers, and then, a full hour and a half in what I call “sacred space.” We achieved this through reiki (prana—life force exchange) and channeling (receipt and transmission of knowledge from a higher dimension). Sometimes it felt like I was deep inside my body, and other times it felt like I was out of my head and somewhere, another time and space completely different, somewhere else. I relived scenes from years ago by remembering things that I had forgotten or stuffed inside. I re-collected energy that was stuck in that time and space. I talked out declarations of power and sovereignty over thick karmic patterns that kept me from making conscious, co-creating choices. For all the times that I shoulda-woulda-coulda, I did.
Using imagination-intuition-the liminal sacred space is really trippy. I said, “Whoa, WTF?” a lot, often to a chuckle by Atasiea. “I know, right?” he usually replied with his soft California accent. “This fifth dimension stuff is legit.”
The after effects, how I felt post-healing sessions: tired. Bone tired. I spent hours afterward resting in the camper, full 360-degrees of vast open desert space, mountains, isolation. I wrote a lot about it, too, in my notebooks since documenting and sharing has become part of my core body of work. The details of the sessions are important only to me. But their evidence is the change in the way that I am; a change in my patterning—a break in patterns that felt embedded at my core. The was I felt after the entire experiment: changed, and lighter somehow.
I believe my ability to turn on Tron-mode (which is what my field of vision looked like [interspersed with memories and visual symbols] when I was in sacred space) is the result of energy work that I did with Atasiea.
And I was working with the fundamental bits of my being—at the quantum level—a place that seems far away from reality, which is me, a thirty-something girl who is writing this and sitting at her laptop with a dog on her lap.
Now let’s combine some thoughts.
What do fundamental bits mean anyway? What are embedded patterns? What does quantum level mean anyway? Western science says it’s where particles that create our physical reality are. The particles can connect instantly, as in, they operate outside the flow of time as we understand it at other levels. Quantum level is atomic. And there’s a theory that DNA molecules—the building blocks of our physical reality—are held together by entanglement at the quantum level. These ideas hold up to Eastern philosophy, providing belief systems that expound the interconnectedness of all things; that our separations between objects are illusions created by our limited physical methods of perception. Frontier research in fields like parapsychology shows that we are moving toward an entanglement of Western science with Eastern philosophy as we continue to generate data that support a worldview that includes the conscious interaction of mind, body, and spirit.
It is said that reiki affects a being at the DNA level. And it has been suggested that information from events and memories from previous generations create a sort of genetic memory that can alter DNA. So when you’re doing reiki (and other forms of deep energy work), you are literally affecting the fundamental bits of of your physical being that creates your vessel to experience reality.
Where this all leads: the practical application of theoretical stuff; I feel that energy work is where we can literally meet theoretical physics in our own life. This is how personal growth and development expand worldviews. Before Guatemala, my worldview on energy work was that it was powerful but weird. It was woo woo. I felt like it was something that I should be doing but just couldn’t. It was as if I had lacked some kind of permission by myself to practice energy work freely (and it’s possible that a lot of this was inherited ancestral memory—stuff I inherited but didn’t actually create). Regardless where the stuff came from, it got shifted. I moved some creative, emotional, and intellectual blocks out of the way.
The visual experience that happened at the library is what happens for me when I practice reiki. I stop picturing the person (or animal) that I am working on; that also means that I stop physically seeing myself when I work on myself. I stop looking through my eyes (I usually close my eyes at the start of a session. This helps me turn my gaze inward.) A space full of colors and shapes emerges. It is the same space that I accessed during my camper healing sessions. I sense the energy through the establishing of intention/connection, and flow starts: soft streams of things to say or images that appear in my mind. As I mentioned, all it takes is one powerful exchange—one precise conversation, moment of validation,perfect facilitation of sacred space—with one person to really cause things to shift for you inside.
I feel like my desert experiment was a success. And the essay that I finished was an exploration of the way mind and matter interact; the reason I wrote the essay was because I want to question the way that reality can be constructed. And I want to speak from experience when people have profound experiences doing and receiving energy work.
Welcome to my Tron-world.