I spent most of my life wondering why the people around me felt so different and distant. I had more in common with the characters I read about in books than I did with people in everyday life. And I despised the mental health establishment.

But I didn’t understand how to connect with people in a meaningful way. My reality always seemed so different, and I couldn’t relate. I was painfully unaware of my lack of emotional intelligence, and hardened whenever I needed to fight back. I could use sharp words to cut anyone down. I weaponized my smarts.

I never thought that I was a people person. “Everybody sucks” became my mantra, even though I felt intuitively that statement wasn’t me. My mind was disconnected from my heart… I couldn’t break from the negative story on loop inside my head.

I lost myself more and more and turned to spiritual practices and yoga. The chaos inside stirred even more, and I thought I was broken. I shut down completely because I didn’t understand myself or the world.

But then I got help. The label of bipolar disorder connected me to a meaningful course of treatment and community of like-experience individuals. I opened up to the idea that some mental health practitioners were actually interested in seeing me get healthy.

I did the work. I began to feel, not just my emotions but my body, and I realized it held a lot: Anger. Sadness. Guilt. Some of those were mine, and some of those were inherited, ancestral.

And then came the real breakthrough—the combination of psychology and spirituality became the way that I started to make sense of my chaos.

I applied techniques from yoga to learn how to be in a moment, whether it was joyful or difficult (mostly difficult ones!). I learned about the disorder that I held inside and how it affected my cognitive processing ability. I learned about generational trauma and explored body-based healing. I changed my diet and lifestyle and committed to making choices that served my well-being.

And now I’ve made it my job to translate the affective disorder experience to mental healthcare providers and caregivers so they can better support the people they serve and love.

It’s about a practice–harnessing your exact language to convey your own experience. I wrote a book called The Practice to help you understand. It’s a point of view that involves the body-mind-soul. It’s about being in relation to yourselves and others.

The work of transformation isn’t easy. The Practice helps you get through to yourself, but it will force you to have conversations with yourself that you might not know how to have.

But then you can serve others with joy.

Learn how to show up for yourself so you can show up for the world through The Practice.